I thought I would let my villain work up to his full potential. It was such fun writing him, I didn’t want to stop!
Marc led Tony into the ruins.
We just pull this out he said, it’s a sort of spiral into the earth and then a cave. I’ll stay here you go and do what you need to do.
A voice behind them said, I think that’s my job Marc.
A slim figure in a trilby hat and a raincoat stepped out of the shadows and into the light of the lamp. He was amazingly blonde and incredibly good looking.
Marc just stared, oh brilliant, just what we need, how the fuck did you get here Gala!
The man smiled, it was perfect. Oh I followed you and carried on when you stopped for coffee. It was easy. I just stood inside the ruins and waited. You are looking old, have you been ill or is a lifetime of extreme depravity catching up with you at last.
Marc coughed, spot of heart trouble if you must know, it’s sorted now. I see you haven’t changed much, still gorgeous. It must be all that purity keeping you young.
He sighed, It’s a wonder you don’t drop dead from boredom. Give me depravity every time, 2000 years of virginity must be fucking tedious.
The man tutted disapprovingly, I see your language hasn’t improved with time Marc. Perhaps a little more holiness and a rest from all that fornication might do you a power of good!
Marc rolled his eyes, oh don’t come the old moral high ground bit with me Mother Theresa, some of us live in the real world.
His perfect nose wrinkled in distaste, Mother Theresa a stranger to moisturiser that one, she had a face like the last apple in the bowl, what a revolting thought eugh!
Hit a nerve did it oh perfect one. I would imagine that your own beauty routine must be fairly extensive, he said somewhat sarcastically.
It’s never been a problem for me he said, but I will admit that one’s personal grooming has become a little more extensive as the years pass. Why only last week I thought I had found a wrinkle. Naturally I was extremely distressed, he smiled, it turned out to be an eyelash, but it was a nasty moment!
I’ll bet, still it gave you more time with the mirror, always a favourite pal of yours I seem to remember.
Tony coughed, hello, I hate to interrupt your little reunion. I know I’m small, but you both seem to have overlooked the fact that I am actually here!
Marc stopped, sorry Tone, got carried away with his holiness here, he tends to dominate your thoughts!
The beautiful Elf looked down with eyes so blue that you found yourself getting lost in them. He smiled benevolently, like he had just discovered a new species of insect.
And who do we have here then, a Pixie no less, how charming. He extended a hand, and Tony took it in his chubby little paw.
He looked up at Marc and read his thoughts, the words complete twat floated into his head, as if he hadn’t already worked that one out for himself!
So what are you doing here little man, the Elf continued. This is a rather dangerous place for a Pixie to go exploring, haven’t you got a mushroom you should be sitting under. I’m sure there’s a fishing rod missing an owner somewhere, he said with a wink!
That’s Gnomes Tony said, and if you don’t stop patronising me, I will show you exactly where you can shove your fishing rod, followed by the mushroom-sideways!
Oh how funny, he’s a feisty little fella isn’t he, he said to Marc, directly over the Pixies head!
The big man sighed, realising that Tone was about to lose the diplomacy and go full Pixie on him. He’d seen Bernie lose it a few times and it wasn’t pretty, about as pretty as Gala would be after Tony nutted him!
Right he said quickly, some introductions I think. Gala this is his Excellency Anatatontinuanous Anacharatidides, for obvious reasons we call him Tony. He’s the Pixie Ambassador and an essential part of our team, so play nice!
Tony, this is Hugh’s son, he calls himself Guy Lakeman these days, but we call him Gala, you might know him better as Sir Galahad du Lac the keeper of the Grail!
They both stared as if they couldn’t quite believe the other one existed!
Finally Gala said, a Pixie in the team, oh what a novelty, I suppose we must all embrace diversity in these enlightened times!
Do you have a problem with that Tony said, eyeing Gala’s perfect jaw for the precise point at which he could nut it for maximum effect!
Right then let’s get on shall we, Marc said quickly, Gala why are you here!
The Grail called me, you know I keep away and out of any possible influence. It feels threatened so it yelled for daddy! Now where are the rest of the guys, and where’s my dad, we’re not going to get very far without him. I do hope he isn’t drunk under a hedge somewhere, it’s such an embarassment when he does that!
A voice from the stairs said quietly, he’s dead Gala, your father is dead. Tony is the keeper of the vault now!
Molly walked down into the lamplight.
I was wondering what was happening, you have been ages and Jon is getting cold. She looked at Gala
I should have guessed that you would turn up, it’s been quite a while.
He smiled and bowed, My Lady Mirandior thou dost become more lovely with every passing year.
You can stop the old flannel she said, we’re both a bit long in the tooth to play that game, and it won’t wash with me, it never did!
So harsh, I see your years with the Pixie have done nothing to soften your tongue milady. How is Bernie, still cheating on you with anything that has a pulse is he, Gala said nastily.
I doubt it, seeing as he stopped having one himself five years ago, she said taking Marc’s hand.
One perfect eyebrow went up.
Good God, not you two. That’s hilarious. Do you buy your punishments wholesale Mirandior. Surely you don’t think this overheated Ox will stop his rutting with anyone or anything who offers him a roll in the hay, just for you. I have heard tell some women like it that way but…
Marc smiled sweetly, and what would you know about it Mr Purity he said. You wouldn’t know a roll in the hay from a roll in the mud, or maybe you just like to watch, is that how you like your cookies Gala, on someone else’s plate?
Gala stared, I do not concern myself with earthly pleasures you know that & may I remind you Marc that I was chosen for this task and I was carrying out my duties a full 500 years before you were born, so a little respect would be nice. I remember you as a snot nosed brat hiding behind your mothers skirts, so don’t get above yourself or there will be consequences!
Ooh Is that a threat, careful you might break a nail
Don’t push it, I’m warning you
Excuse me Tony broke in trying to be patient, I’m sure this is perfectly lovely but what I would really like is for all of you to sod off. Then I can change the lock and get Jon home and safe, out of the cold where I can look after him. If you have forgotten, he’s not well!
A soft voice from the stairs said, it’s ok Tone I’m here, could one of you give me a hand please.